hello everyone. happy new year. not so happy though, i guess, as you can tell by my last blog entry. took me a while to write this update, but unfortunately my cat passed away on december 13th due to a heart failure. i really do regret making her through the surgery. her kidney already had an infection so it made her way weaker.

a small paragraph i wrote after she passed away: i wish i was with her in her very last moments. i wish i took her home. i wish we could sleep together again. i wish i had taken more pictures of her. i wish i had played with her favorite toy more. but what i regret the most was not being by her side when she passed away. ill never have another cat like her. she was the sillest cat ill ever have. she loved talking to me, but hated when i sung. she would run to lay down next to me whenever i would lie down on the floor. she only recently learned how to stay on my lap. even learned how to sit down on command to allow me to feed her treats. she was a smart, wonderful cat. only lived ten years. i wish she wouldve lived more. ive done everything i could. i wish ive done more. this is the only picture i have of her when she was a baby, nearly 1 year old. pipi, ill miss you more than you would understand. but hope you will know how much i loved you. i know how much you loved me, too.

i don't know what else to say. looking at pictures of her of course make my heart ache, and everytime i remember how she last looked at me in that small cage at the vet makes me want to claw my skin off my face. i wish i had done so much more for her. although, besides normal grief and regret, i think i've been taking it pretty well, crushing debt and all. me and my mother did the math and we spent around 11 thousand reais (around 2000 dollars) during her hospitalization. it's crazy, insane even. we can't even afford it, my father is now egging on us to pay the cost of her surgery (that he offered himself to pay, mind you!) but what else can i do? just work. just work.

on another sad note, i'm completely out of money! haha! i desperately need to open comms again but i cant bring myself to do it until i've finished commissions i've had on my backlog for almost 2 years now. for some god forsaken reason, for a long time i had such a huge artblock where i just felt like shit about everything i've drawn and it was so hard to get back on track. literally could not bring myself to do it. if you'd like to help me financially without expecting anything in return, i have a ko-fi: ko-fi.com/testanimals i'd appreciate any donations. when i do open commissions, i'll make sure to post them here too.

but, things could be much worse. thankfully i had a programmed trip to see my girlfriend on the new years and we had a wonderful time. we did't even do much, just stayed inside and watched things together. i also got to meet one of my long time friends!! which also made me extremely happy!

she also drew my favorite characters!! oh how i love receiving new fanart of ruili!! best gift i've ever received. here's a picture of it on my wall display thingy:

all this really helped me feel a little less alone during all this. i'm so glad that i have these wonderful people in my life to help me through such times.

as for website goals in 2024, i'm thinking of giving it a revamp once i'm not having troubles with commissions. i started a backloggd account, so i've been posting reviews of the visual novels i've played there, but i want to move them to my media page. i also want to give my media page a small revamp, and maybe update my bl comic recommendation list. i also want to add something else to the front page, it's a little blank right now.

something else i've been doing is being obssessed with everskies.com. i've been playing it daily for a while. here's some cosplays i've made. can you recognize any of them?

to close off, here's a picture of my step son (my girlfriend's cat):

thank you to everyone who sent me kind words, i really do appreciate it. thank you to my friends, my mother and my girlfriend, too, things would be much worse if you weren't here with me.

- candy