hello everyone!

it has been a long, long time since my last blog post. this website is definitely overdue for an update. there's several things i'd like to change; i want to make my about page more fun, make a media hub for all the things i like, show my art here... but alas, new things will come when they do (when i have the time and the motivation to code again).

anyway, since all i do here is talk about myself... i've finally moved in. but we're still not finished. my aunt, for the first time in her life, did an act of charity and spend a lot of money on my room's decoration and planning. i hate my aunt, but for a good reason: shes a terf. not joking. she embarrasses me. when she spent that amount of money on me and my room, i felt conflicted. when i told my mother what she did for me, she said "see what your aunt did for you? she loves you so much! and you still say you hate her..." i'm grateful for her, don't get me wrong. but at the same time... by god, i wish she would hate trans people a little less.

beyond that, months later, i finally got a job! i started it recently, it's in the same place where my mother works. i'm sooo happy that i'll be able to go back home in a car and not in a crowded bus (at least, on most days). i love being spoiled.

since i mentioned my mother, i should mention that i'm going to see my girlfriend very soon! and that my mother hated it. me and my girlfriend are in a long distance relationship, so my father lovingly bought me plane tickets and even a hotel stay to go see her; but he told me to not mention my mother... my mother got really, really upset that she didn't know about it for the longest time - and i don't blame her. i should've told her sooner. but alas, she isn't prohibiting me - i am 22 years old after old after all - and i'm not wasting her money, so i'm happy to go and meet my girlfriend in person for the first time.

speaking of my girlfriend, we are OBSESSED with yugioh recently. they watched yugioh duel monsters on their own sometime ago and convinced me to watch it too. we're devouring the series recently and even playing master duel and duel links (two yugioh games for pc, in case you don't know). we're so obsessed with yugioh we want to name our future child yugi. yugi is my little baby boy. when i look at him i want to be his toxic boy mom. he's such a nice and sweet boy that just wants to play fun games with his friends. it's not his fault that he got possessed by the spirit of a thousand year old pharaoh (who is a little murderous sometimes!), it's not his fault that the same pharaoh won a card game against a billionaire that is now obsessed with him (and totally not in love with him).

if you've read my last blog post, you'd know i was pretty upset over idolm@master; and sincerely, it hasn't gotten any better. the vtubers are still around, mirishita added some awful shaders to the game for no reason, they announced a new shiny colors game but the direction is not good. i'm still pretty distraught over it, i still haven't been able to interact with the series properly. which is very, very sad, honestly! i truly do love idolm@ster, i've been a fan for years - ever since i was 15, and it saddens me to see it in this state. thankfully i like a fuckton of things and idolm@ster isn't my only fandom, otherwise i'd be extremely depressed.

also, i've finally left twitter for good - thank god! i really miss my oomfies, specially those whom i've met recently and long time ones - juno, melly, soul, cross, nono, madhu, cassia, lecchi and others - i'm thankful for everyone i've met and still love you guys deeply. but unfortunately, this website has always given me some stress. i'm mostly on tumblr now, and i know it is The website for discourse, but thankfully, it's not discourse that i find it triggering or anxiety/anger inducing for me. if some discourse ends up on my dash, it's always some stupid internet argument that is pretty funny to see people get upset over. recently i saw people talking about how europeans should use helmets while riding their bikes and that generated and entire discourse. funniest shit i've ever seen. on twitter, i'd see discourse about how "media has no impact on reality whatoever and teenagers can't comprehend difficult stories and nuances" written by a millenial harry potter fan. the website itself is definitely Not for nuanced arguments, and really, that's what worse about it. elon musk is destroying it too. i think i've had enough. i'm an adult now, i just started a job and i'm close to graduating. i need more sanity than ever; so, sorry twitter.

beyond that, i recently, i had a falling out with some close long time friends who were the ones who made me come back to the website every once in a while. i miss them dearly, and i wish we could be friends again, but unfortunately, nothing lasts forever and everything comes to an end eventually, so i think it's time to say goodbye. thank you to them, even though we are no longer friends, we tried to be civilized and understanding until the end even though we were extremely anxious about it. i'm happy about the time we spent together.

I wonder where we'll be going from now on?
Will we be able to forget it all, and live?
However happy you are now,
I don't want you to forget…
In me, there'll always be…

sorry for ending on sad note. friendship breakups are always, always awful, sad, heartbreaking. but i truthfully believe it was the better choice for both us. i don't resent them at all - i'm not hateful as i used to be. i genuinely appreciate the time we spent together; there will always be a piece of everyone i've met inside me, even if i have long forgotten. that's just part of life, isn't it? even if sad things happen, i'm still having more fun than ever. i hope everyone else is too.

- candy